Easing In Gently

I don't know about you, but for me getting back into work after a vacation is excruciating. It's now well into the second week of being home and I'm struggling.

There's been lots of "stuff" to deal with as well as a long holiday weekend plopped in, but this is the second day I've come up to my studio with serious intent to put brush to paper and my skin is crawling.  I want to clean the fridge; sort the mail; have another snack only 10 minutes after the last one; check Facebook; watch the US Open; “check in” with my kids--anything, ANYTHING to prevent me from facing that terrifying blank page.

Yesterday, after enduring much heavy- handed judgment that just spouted into my head, that stern task master was finally overpowered by a wee voice that told me: I don't have to do this alone.  Relieved, I called a couple of amazing, loving, supportive friends; met another one for dinner and practiced some of the self care that I've come to know works and gives me faith.

Thank God I have such a gentle, loving, support system because I can be so unkind to myself.  After many years of creating art and design, I still get panicked by the blank page, especially after a long hiatus.  I've come to believe that creating is a spiritual experience, but unfortunately there are still many negative voices in my head that can run riot.  It's so easy to compare, or not feel good enough, or convince myself that I'll never come up with another great idea ever, ever again.   I need my support system to help me find that spiritual calm place to remind me again and again, in a gentle loving way that all I need to do it put one foot in front of the other and  have faith that all I'm asked to do is be myself and create what's inside of me.  Fear can dominate my whole being and paralyze me when I focus on the outcome so I need to be in the moment.  All I have to do is show up and take baby steps and eventually I'll hear what I need to do.

I'm sitting at my studio desk right now, so after I hit “publish” on this blog, I shall garner my faith and do all the steps I need to do that will create the space for me to hear what's next. And if I don't have any bright sparks unveiled to me or even fail to sit at my desk, then I can lovingly tell myself it's OK. Tomorrow is another day.

 Peace, love and gentleness to you all.


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